Men who are attracted to women, at least in the Anglosphere, (you can swap that with “western society”, if you like, they’re almost interchangeable in intent) have a big fat problem. It has to do with what we find attractive.
Frequently you’ll hear us say that we like big breasts. Sometimes we mention that lovely hourglass figure. But there’s a big disconnect: Most men won’t own up to what they really, deep down, find attractive. Here’s a hint: It’s probably quite different for each of us.
I’m going to break our unspoken vow of silence though. Because I can, and because it is time we woke up and started talking about our sexuality in New Zealand- and I don’t just mean whether we like boys or girls or both. I mean what we like about boys and girls, and how we act about that- certainly eyes are incredibly sexy, and eye contact is a great way to capture attention. Attitude is hugely important, too- I like women who stand up for themselves, who’re willing to disagree with me, and who aren’t afraid to ask me out. But none of these things are controversial- they don’t require me to challenge how much of a big fat coward I’m supposed to be.
So what is our problem? Our big problem is fat- or rather, body shape. You see, one of the things I personally find very attractive is women with slightly different body shapes from the average- namely tall ladies and curvy ladies. As someone who’s always been one of the tallest people in the crowd, and never been able to put on a substantial amount of body weight, I understand that bodies come in several natural shapes. I understand that some of them are larger or smaller without necessarily being unhealthy. Anyone who is watching that they’re eating relatively healthily, and is exercising well, has no reason to be worried about the shape of their body in my book.
But that puts me in a dilemma. You see, men are not allowed to like “fat girls”- they’re supposed to be unattractive. Talking to a fat girl in a bar is something you’re only ever supposed to do as a wingman who’s taking one for the team, and the nastiest insults that women throw at each other on reflex often resort to variations on the theme of “fat bitch”. Some of our friends will pressure us into admitting that we find thin girls sexy- and now and then, we will, because attractiveness is too complex to be described merely by body types. (If anyone ever wants to introduce me to Keira Knightley, I will go totally fanboy on her. Just for the record.)
But the really tragic thing is, there are some of us that will end up staring at women that we would never be able to admit to “the blokes” that we find attractive. And for the less courageous men, that means that we simply won’t ask women out that could have really pushed our buttons and made us happy. And that is a big fat-problem. 😉