Catching up the blagosphere

Just catching up a bit this monday, but there is a very good quickie from I/S over at NRT on how staying together for the kids can be worse than divorce.

7 Responses

  1. A very big important issue. My angle is how do we help men to be good fathers when they can’t live with the mother of their child/ren. As we know this is one of the more common situations in our society.

  2. Hey Marty-

    I think the point here is that we actually err on the side of staying too long. Perhaps in many cases splitting up earlier might help to ensure it’s still practical for men to have access to their children. That would certainly be a good thing.

    I wonder if a lot of that trend has to do with our fear (as a society, I mean) of being single. Certainly a good factoid to know, though.

  3. I agree that we stay too long but part of that is because we don’t provide the resources/training/support for the leavers. There are not too many good models of say, co-parenting out there. i think men and women do stay together too often for the wrong reasons, and fear of being alone is one, but lack of options/alternatives is another.
    Can you be a good father while not living with the mother of your child?
    I say yes but it’s bloody hard work and much ego has to be eaten… but that is a good thing and much better than tormenting the kids with unhappimness and fighting.

  4. I wonder if “trying to reconcile differences” is an option? Or should we be too quick to write that off?

  5. It’s certainly an option, but given that we’re talking about relationships that people should realise are over but are too afraid to admit it, the option kinda doesn’t apply to these specific cases.

    Also, reconciling differences is a lot easier when you aren’t living with someone who drives you crazy πŸ™‚ Ironically enough if we had the maturity in this country to actually take some space to ourselves when we’re having difficulty with our partners, the reconciliation you mention might go back on the table in some cases. πŸ˜‰

  6. 1st paragraph – well let’s not assume. Being quick to break-up solves noone’s issues.

    2nd paragraph – indeed.

  7. 1st paragraph – well let’s not assume. Being quick to break-up solves noone’s issues.

    I was talking specifically about people who were being too slow to break up. Sometimes I get the distinct impression you don’t actually read what I say before replying, lol. πŸ™‚

    And yes, there are times when breaking up too quickly is bad, too, but it’s not the overarching social issue that people hurting their kids by staying in dysfunctional relationships because of their kids. I have a feeling that data that suggests a whole family is a good thing overall for kids is actually because the families that face challenges are often the ones that need to split up, and that both demographics might improve if there were more divorce of dysfunctional couples with suffering kids.

    I think having the skill to move on is very different to having the inability to commit to a relationship and deal with the problems and friction that entails. πŸ™‚

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